Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
