ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
