where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
