atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
if only i could text you this smell
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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