All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
