if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
