This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
