So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
