Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
