Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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