My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
