I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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