I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
