can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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