We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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