I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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