i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
