Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
