so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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