I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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