Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
