It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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