am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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