This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
