Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
