I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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