i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
