Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
