3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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