that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
