okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
