my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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