Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
