just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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