Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
