quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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