i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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