i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
