I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
