he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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