i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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