His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
