Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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