Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
