i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
