Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
