it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
