I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
