were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
