he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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