oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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