Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
God gave him joint rollers for hands
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
