i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
