I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
