Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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